The Wait..

It all starts a day before the announcement of the result. All i can think about is, whether i will make it or not. What have i got to lose, and what all to gain. Its almost like a dark cloud, hanging over your head, making your heart so heavy, that you feel physically tired.. especially when you know that now things are not in your hands, and you have already done all that you possible could..(good,medium or bad). Feeling hot and cold at the same time. The weathers so beautiful outside, that you wish you did'nt have this lump in your gut everytime you thought about the result. Its raining. Im sitting in class.. trying so hard not to fall asleep. Nodding my head at the professor, who is talking utter crap about ERP, and i don't understand a thing. And my mind is occupied with the aftermath of the future. My first and last call of the season(till now), and absolutely no clue. 4 hours to go. I go into a shell. Expecting the worse to happen, yet dreaming about the dream. Can't help but think about the day after the exam..
Day 0: Wow.. that was bad! probably have'nt made it.
Day 1: Get it out of your head..try to get a job now. No luck for you this year.
.
.
Day 20: I'm not even checking it today.. probably havent made it.
Day 21: I cant believe im through!!(casually surfing the net, thought wudnt hurt to see whats the verdict..got a call for gd/pi)
.. prep (no clue where to start)
..prep (no idea what im doing)
...more prep..
....frustrating prep..
Day 40: Cant say all the prep was worth it. Just when you think its going to go
really bad, they end up interviewing you about things you knew at the back of you
hand!
..confused
..happy
..not so happy..(when you start comparing other interviews with yours..)
..nervous
..more nervous
Day of the result: Already described above. Face expression could be read by a
stranger. Slept in the bus, walked up the stairs, got a phone
call.. from Dad--> Waiting List No. 12.

"Just when I thought I was out there, they pull me back in" -Al Pacino (Godfather Part III)

You refuse to look at the positive side, and think.. atleast they did'nt throw me out! Instead, you dread over the endless wait. Wonder why they call it the waiting list. Because you wait for the first class seats to be vacated, so that you can move from the sleeper class, to AC first class. Its not in your hands. From now on, its no use contemplating or trying to hard. Just wait. Wait for your future to open up. Wait, almost as if you're waiting for a pregnancy test, or HIV test. The difference here is, I have stopped giving a damn. I'm gonna wait, but for them to come to me..

THis is my new philosophy.. Arsen Wenger says..if you try to hard to get something, you usually dont get it. But if you try just the right amount, you've nailed it.